"Um, you are really freaking me out!" Yeah, that's usually the response, either verbal or facial, that you will get when you try to get to know some of your preteens. Typically it's the facial expressions, specifically the lack thereof, that gives you the feeling of an arctic blast against your body. I've felt this blast in the dead of winter here in the midwest. Your face hurts, your teeth hurt, and your eyes feel as though they are frozen open. Yet, I would gladly endure hours of midwest freezing cold weather than a few minutes with a preteen who has an apprehensive attitude.

It's hard for the parent or ministry leader who wants to be intentional with the preteen without pushing them further away. You don't want to appear creepy or "un-cool", but you know that inside they are breaking for someone to connect with them. You may have experienced this longing when you were young, or have seen this countless times, but yet you still get that resistance whenever you try to connect with them. You've tried high fives, silliness, making them smile, being cool, trying to be interested in that new show or band, etc.

As a parent who was once a child who experienced an immense amount of ickyness growing up, might I suggest that you are trying too hard. I am not saying don't say "hi" or don't acknowledge that the preteen is there. What I am saying is get into a routine with a greeting and a parting. If the preteen wants to remain silent, and keep to themselves that is fine. If you are at least intentional with knowing that they are there, showing them that you care about the fact that they are there, it will begin to become routine and the preteen might often miss it when you are not there.

So what do you do? Greet the teen intentionally by name each week. "Hey Grace! I'm glad you are here this week." That's it. No high fives, no hugs, no silliness. When the preteen leaves say "Grace, thanks for coming this week. You're an awesome young lady." (Obviously change this to be gender specific.) The key to this is to be intentional each week and to remember the weeks that they were not there. If you start to notice that the preteen is missing every other week or so, it could be that they are in a family that has one week with the mom and the next with the dad. (Note: Don't assume this is the case though!) My point is that you might be able to discover why the preteen is apprehensive if you start to study their behavior. They could be going through some tough things at home and right now they just don't trust adults.

Whatever the reason, we still need to show them that they we care about them without appearing creepy. Being intentional doesn't mean that you make them the center of your attention or everyone's attention. It just means that you are focused on acknowledging that they are there and that they are loved by God. You may be the only person who is encouraging them each week. That will have an effect on them whether they want you to know about it or not. Don't give up on them. Just don't be creepy!